we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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