im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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