Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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