I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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