Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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