Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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