I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
