So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
