i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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