I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
