my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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