My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
