hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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