Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Buhtt sex?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
