East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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