R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Still dying that you shit outside
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
