phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
