god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
