He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
