Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
