buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize