she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
