she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
