At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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