Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
