Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
