Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
