I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
