You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
