So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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