Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize