Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
