covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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