She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
