I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
