508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
