I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
