I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
