That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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