Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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