You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
