and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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