I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
