rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
