Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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