Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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