Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
