I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
