He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
