Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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