PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dicks are not precious.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
