Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
