Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
