SEEEEXXX PLEASE
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
