you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
