I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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