I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
