I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
