i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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