Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
