Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
