I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
