low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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