I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
