Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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