he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
