Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
