i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
