beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
